Monday, December 31, 2012

Just Me

I don't claim to be perfect
I never will be
I don't always say the right things
I have many times put my foot in my mouth
I make mistakes like any other person
I try and limit the mistakes as best as I can
I am at fault I will admit it
When that's the case, I do whatever it takes to make things right
I try to go out of my way for anyone in need
Friend or otherwise
I wear my heart on my sleeve
At times I can be emotional pouring out everything to my hearts content.
I love everything in my life with my being
I can get jealous
I can get things confused
Get my facts mixed up
I can say things without thinking about them first
I am only human, I can't be perfect
I can only be me
Take me as I am or don't take me at all

May Never

I may never have a published novel
I may never have a published story
I may never be a have a signal thing written for the whole world to see under my name
Should I care?
Maybe not?
I know I'm not one of the best out writers out there
I know my stories may not be as creative as others
I know I be the only person who is supportive of my doing
But the few words that tumble out of my mouth
mean something to me
They are words that are behind a feeling, a reason for writing them.
They are small way of expressing something that I have to let out.
Yes the words I speak might have a hidden meaning but it is to each person who reads them to find their own meaning behind it.
In the end I could be standing on a bunch meaningless words for a few people that read them
However if that is meant to be then so be.
Ill keep the dream of being published will only be just a dream


She is just a girl
Nothing special about her
Brown eyes and hair
Average looking

She encloses walls around her
Afraid of being hurt
For hurt is all she knows from people

She wears her emotions on her sleeve
She is loyal and loves her few to her friends
With her whole heart
Willing to do anything for anyone in need

She has been thur a lot in her short life
Cheating, lying, betrayal
She has her demons just like everyone else
Sometimes she has a hard time battling them back

She is afraid
She is jealous
She is depressed
She is weak

She wishes to be the girl that everyone knows
She wishes to be the girl that is popular
She wishes to be the girl that has lots of friends
She wishes to be the girl is not now

Her few friends might say something different
However it is hard for her to believe those words
Many times she feels alone
Afraid to speak out and ask for help
She does not like being weak

But that is all she feels at the moment
Weak and alone


The moment one's life came into existence
Family one was raised in
Childhood best friend was the quiet person over the loud one
Attended the private over the public one
First crush one this one over that one
Went to all the high school dances but one of them
The friendships that were made and stayed
The friendships that came and left
The friendship you longed to have again
The friendship you shouldn't have but did anyways
Along with all the fights
Saying something when you shouldn't

Everything happens for a reason....

One person that was important to one,
They left when you needed them the most
One person you let get away one person you stayed with to be happy
One person that you cant live with out
One person that you hate but still stay friends with them
One person that you love secretly but never tell them

Everything happens for a reason....

Thinking about someone when you shouldn't be
Falling in love someone when you shouldn't be
Marring the wrong person over the right one
Loving the right person but also loving the wrong
Wishing you could have feelings someone else
Then one you have them for someone else

Everything happens for a reason

There is a reason for me writing this...

Monday, December 17, 2012


Standing on the ledge
One step forward
I fall into darkness
One step back
I'm not sure if i want to be there either
Feelings of numbness, pain
surround me

I put on a fake smile and laugh
Hiding my the true feelings
Afraid if one heard the truth
Another crack form
So I kept my distance at arms left
I have someone but not really

When I feel myself breaking part
I wish I had someone to hold me
Tell me it will be ok
Tell me that I'm safe
Tell me they love me
Even when I don't love myself

Afraid of being alone
Showing that vulnerable part of me
Will that someone leave me
Once they realize how broken I really am
That would be my undoing


She never speaks out
She hardly takes any chances
She stays to herself

Her friends are less than an handful

She is afraid of taking chances
Afraid you would hurt her
Afraid you don't like her
So she stays hidden in the shadows

Looking out on to people she wished she knew
Looking out onto people she wished she could join
To laugh and have fun with

No matter how many times she tried to step out
She spoke a few words to them only to be shut out again
She wishes they would notice her but they don't

It has been said somethings shyness is taken as her being a snob
That is far from the truth
If you only knew her, one would see that is not the truth

Just because she is shy, does not mean she wants to be lonely

You'll Never Know

You'll never know
How much I loved
How much I cared.

You'll never know
About my pain,
About my broken heart.

You'll never know
How much I cried,
Just lying on my bed
And thinking...

You'll never know
How much I wish
How much I prayed
That things would go back

You'll never know
The emptiness that lies inside
That I wish would
Leave me...

Love and Sand

Love and sand are alike
Give it care and attention,
And it will stay with you

If you are foolish with it
All it takes strong gust of wind
And it you lose it


Standing at the edge of darkness
Hot tears rolling down my cheeks
A blade in my hand
The sharp edge pressing against my skin
A war raging in my head
A cut ending it all
Pushing the blade into my skin
Voices in my mind...Do it
Screaming out for someone
Anyone to answer
Voices in my mind..Do it
Waiting for answer
Silence expect for the voices

Would I be finally...